How I know transformational coaching works
Yes, books, podcasts, webinars, and schooling teach us stuff, but it is life that creates the opportunity to learn. It’s how we choose to use what we’ve learned to transform ourselves that makes the difference to our journey.
Here’s how that’s been true for me
Shock waves…
Like you, I’ve had my share of bum deals, though I count myself lucky that it wasn’t until my early 30s that I experienced serious loss. Losing my Dad aged only 67 after a rapid and intense stoush with cancer, was my first real slap in the face by grief. For the first time, I realised how closely linked love and loss can be. A few years later, my mum suffered a debilitating stroke. For the best part of ten years, she continued living with courage, fortitude and grace. We were a team; me as her primary carer, she as my inspiration and role model. How she rose time and time again to overcome new adversities was incredible. Little did I know then that my mum was showing me the way to deal with what was coming next.
Earthquake…
A week after my mum passed, my husband suffered three massive heart attacks in very quick succession. He survived, thanks to one helicopter, two ambulances and three stents – but our marriage did not. Right when I thought we could go forwards, he chose to go sideways, and my life became a landslide. My inner coach voice figured it would take two years to recover. It took three. The extra year showed me it is definitely the journey that counts, not time, with a lot of deep diving required along the way.
Tsunami…
I went deep. I embraced the anonymity of New Zealand’s biggest city, determined to prove that I was courageous and could turn my life around. All that is true, but before I could find a new life, first I had to accept its collapse. I had to feel into pain, loss, and grief. The journey was tough, but I knew I had good skills, tools, inner fortitude (even though I felt anything but strong), and always, deep inside, I had faith that I would find my way again.
Personal relationships are a complicated playing field. You make your commitments and take your chances. I’ve accepted that life relationships are not always forever, even though I had seen mine that way. What was enduringly harder than losing ‘forever’, was the loss of ‘sense of family’ for our two kids. For a long time, I felt like we failed them and honestly it can still pull at my heart.
Regeneration…
I found it to be true, ‘what doesn’t kill you, really does makes you stronger’.
Now, I am blessed to have a strong relationship with these two amazing young adults that is richer because of the disrupt. I am deeply proud of how they have navigated their version of this journey with wisdom, courage and compassion. I‘ve learned that:
- There’s a richness and gift within every ‘bum deal’. We discover this by being willing to face into the adversity.
- Life does not give us more than we can deal with at once. Sometimes we have to shift our expectations, cut ourselves some slack, make it ok to change the rules to fit the game.
- Emotions have a lifespan and tough emotions won’t swallow you up. The more willing we are to face into them, the more they will dissolve, resolve and translate into empowering truths.
- No matter how low we feel or how deep the dive might seem at the time, there is always a bottom to push back up from.
- As we rise, we are gathering wisdom, fortitude and new life. Whether we know it at the time or not.
- Progress does not always have forward momentum. Sometimes being sat on our butt, or having to backpedal is necessary – it causes us to let go of things, to consciously choose what we take forward, and how we want to reshape.
Here and Now
Today, I love the balance, variety and freedom that I have deliberately shaped for myself.
- I have a well-established and successful Auckland based business, with clients from Waikato to Northland, and international skype clients. After three years ‘under the radar’, I am now happy to be out there, to be seen, and to contribute to my communities.
- There are amazing tenants in my Northland home, keeping it lived in and loved while I get to explore all the treasures of city-living.
- From purposeful self-care has arisen a more self-oriented life.
- Living my life in this self-honouring way gives me energy, vitality, fortitude and optimism.
- My perception of self is very different. I have a lightness of step and agility. I don’t have to be me in any fixed way, and I know I can adapt to circumstances as they arise.
- I don’t take myself too seriously. I laugh a lot, care less about being ‘right’, or what people think of me (in a free-ing way, not out of arrogance!)
- My self-confidence and self-esteem derive from self-belief, not dependant on external circumstances or people. I have me the courage to choose what feels right, to advocate for positive change, and to keep enquiring into any boundaries or limitations that arise inside myself or in the world around me.
I love the dynamic life I am building, and it’s great to feel excited about what is ahead. Most of all, it’s good to be me, here and now, standing strong.
My Coaching Credo
I am grateful that my mid-life journey has strengthened my practice as a Coach and Trainer. I’ve had the gift of testing the tools of my trade. I’ve done the miles, worn the shoes, found my medicine of healing and re-engaged my pathway.
When I think of what I have role-modelled for my kids, friends and communities, I feel proud. I know this journey required courage and self-commitment, and I hope that might make a difference to the people I care about, and connect with every day.
Whether your adversities are personal, professional or a blend, it will be my privilege to stand with you through your tremors, earthquakes or tsunami, to help you find your inner strength, passion, lightness, and perhaps even your sense of humour. I hope you feel that I have empathy for your journey.
I’ve been where you are, in one way or another. That’s how I come to be a great coach, and how I know that transformational coaching will work for you too.
A Hopeful Future
When I think of the future, I have huge hope and passion for humanity. I believe we are on the precipice of a new way of living; one where people are free to express their needs, their fears and their gratitudes. We need communities built around people, kindness and collaboration with nature. We have a lot of work to do, but it is happening. It starts with a vision of what else is possible, a desire for change, and a willingness to begin doing life differently. The first step is finding the courage and the dynamics to change.